XKLUSIVE THOUGHTS!!
Posts
All Comments
Sunday, August 12, 2012
XKLUSIVE THOUGHTS!!: WHEN WILL IT STOP!?!
XKLUSIVE THOUGHTS!!: WHEN WILL IT STOP!?!: Ok so yeah I was going in on twitter the other day and I think I may have hit a few nerves and even hurt a few peoples feelings.....thus....
WHEN WILL IT STOP!?!
Ok so yeah I was going in on twitter the other day and I think I may have hit a few nerves and even hurt a few peoples feelings.....thus...the way I see it when I hit a few nerves then progress is probably being made! With that being said I just felt the need to expound on the point I was trying to make.
When I "go in" rather it be twitter on, or on a blog it's not just b/c of something Im making up, its usually something I've witnessed or experienced. If it's one thing I have seen over and over it's that a lot of women are doing just what I said in the tweet. Women are constantly chasing and making excuses for the guy that they think they want, while searching for faults in the guy that they need. You see ladies I understand that you "like what you like," but there comes a point in time where you must evaluate if what or who you "like" is what is gonna be good for you, your emotional well being, and your life.
Ladies eventually you have to understand that maybe, just maybe, the guys you choose and the situations you keep signing up for are producing nothing more for you then frustration and heartbreak. You keep putting your "ALL" into the same dudes that put their "NONE" into you. You keep "INVESTING" all of your feelings into a dude who you get no "RETURN" on. What's even worse is that you KNOW that you know he isn't good for you, but you keep searching for excuses as to why you should have hope. That leads me to my question of "when will it stop?" When will you decide to stop leaning on your own emotionally distorted understandings and rationally step back and decide to do what's best for you and your emotional and mental well being? You can't consistently sign up for situations that you know are bad for you and then think that someone is gonna have sympathy for you when those situations turn out bad. For example:
Yeah I said it! Look if you sit back and you analyze your mate or boo and all you can find is "GOOD SEX" as a reason to put yourself on an emotional rollercoaster then I don't feel sorry for you! Furthermore you can't get mad at me for calling you out. I am sick and tired of hearing chicks moan and complain about the dude they are with, and how terrible he is when at the end of the day you will stay around b/c he is "trying" or he is giving you "good sex." The bottom line is that you can't build a healthy relationship or family based souly on potential or good sex. Understand that as people "we are what we repeatedly do," and if you are repeatedly getting "done" and getting nothing of value out of the situation then why the hell are you still there? All I am saying is that that whole "BEING SPRUNG" thing is no longer a justification for dumb ass decisions after a certain age. This leads me to my next point/tweet...
The real reason I wrote this blog is because of the statement above. One would think that what Im writing about is the story of 18-24 year olds, but man have I had a reality check! It's almost like the folks that get the most upset when I go in on stuff like this are the older women. I want to set the record straight. My point is never to "BASH" anyone, my point is to OPEN EYES AND INSPIRE. All Im trying to do is inspire some folks to stop choosing people that SUBTRACT (-) more value then they ADD (+). Stop thinking that you are going to "FIX" other adults and take a step back from emotions and pay a visit to rational thinking. Understand that just because it "FEELS GOOD" dosen't mean that it's good for you.
With all that being said....know your worth...expect more...and stop settling for less!
NEWS FLASH (yall thought I was done huh).... fellas don't think you get off that easy on this one. I used to be be a big believer in the fact that "men will do what women allow them to do, and will follow the standards that women set." Im starting to have a change of heart though. The question becomes...fellas when will we raise the standards on ourselves?? If your woman has to make excuses for you in order to justify her being with you then you aren't doing your part as a man. It should be obvious to her and everyone else why she is with you. Her eyes and attitude should send off rays that show that you love her right, protect her right, and provide for right. Okay let me stop b/c I plan on addressing this topic in another blog, but I had to give you a lil taste...
I asked the question "when will it stop?" In my opinion the answer is simple...it will stop when the ladies decide that they deserve better, and the men decide that they should give better.
Thanks for reading folks! Feeback and open discussion is always welcomed so comment, follow the blog, follow me and RT on twitter @xklusive5, and share on facebook!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
A Mother's Love Part II
So April 21, 2012 I married the woman of my dreams...April 25th was the one year anniversary of my moms death, May 5th was the MS walk (the disease that took my moms life...and today is Mothers Day. Needless to say I've been on an emotional roller coaster lately, thus I've struggled to write this blog. If you recall a glass of crown royal got me through my first Mother's Love blog so without further adieu I'll take this sip of my new drink, Grand Marnier, and get through this one.
The longer I live the more appreciation I have for the way my mother raised me and the impact she had on my life. My mom wasn't a motivational speaker, I don't remember any profound quotes or life changing conversation that we had yet when I look back she still is responsible for who I am. What my mother was though was THERE! She was a nurturer, she was an expert example setter, and she was my biggest fan! There was never a doubt in my mind that my sister and I were the most important people in her life. So Troy, what's your point....?
My point is this...on occasions like Mother's Day there are many mothers out there expecting to get praised just because they had a baby. The question I have though is what do you do after the text/twitter/Facebook messages stop coming? When dinner is over and you stop receiving the gifts and cards how serious are you about being a mother? I heard Michelle Obama say today that "being a mother is the most important thing that I will ever do...my daughters didn't ask to come here, Barack and I made a CHOICE to have them." The key word there being CHOICE!
I believe there are wayyyy to many people out there choosing to have babies because it's popular, or because they were irresponsible while having sex. Then when the daunting task of motherhood comes they find the easiest way to run from that responsibility or to allow grandma/auntie to raise their kids. Then on days like Mother's Day they expect to be praised and have the red carpet rolled out for them. Well call me mean or insensitive, but I don't subscribe to that behavior. I refuse to praise people because the calendar says I should. That's like me asking for a raise or promotion on my job when I half ass show up to work and when I do show up I don't do the job well.
Look I know I'm gonna catch a lot of slack for my opinion on this, but the reason I feel so strongly is because I've seen what good looks like. I've had some of the best mothering ever! This isn't me talking to the good mothers out there. This is me addressing the half ass mothers out there who are terrible examples to their kids. Who spend more time fussing then nurturing. Who keep their kids in bad situations and bad environments. Who spend more time at the club then at the table helping with homework. Who have never shown up to a parent/teacher conference or PTA meeting. Who always put their deadbeat boyfriends in front of their kids. Who use terrible language in front of their kids and then wonder why the kids are cussing in school. Who refuse to grow up for the sake of the future of their kids. Finally the ones who keep their kids from their father (the good fathers) all because they are personally mad at the father!
All I'm saying is this...motherhood is a gift and a choice and when done right it's the most impactful job any woman can ever have. There are so many mothers out there doing great work and holding down families single handedly. They are working 2 jobs and still helping with homework and showing up at every little league game. They refuse to let negative influences and men in their lives and around their kids. They try to be cordial with the father (the good fathers) for the sake of the kids even if they dislike him personally. Those are the mothers who on this day I say Happy Mother's Day to...you deserve it!
A mother's love, I've experienced it in more ways than I can count and I miss it everyday. For all of you mothers out there if you give that mother's love everyday I salute you, but if you aren't I challenge you to start today! Just like the first Mother's Love blog I ask you...when your kids are old enough to understand and they write a blog...what will they write about you!?!
RIP Brenda Spry...I love you and I miss you!
The longer I live the more appreciation I have for the way my mother raised me and the impact she had on my life. My mom wasn't a motivational speaker, I don't remember any profound quotes or life changing conversation that we had yet when I look back she still is responsible for who I am. What my mother was though was THERE! She was a nurturer, she was an expert example setter, and she was my biggest fan! There was never a doubt in my mind that my sister and I were the most important people in her life. So Troy, what's your point....?
My point is this...on occasions like Mother's Day there are many mothers out there expecting to get praised just because they had a baby. The question I have though is what do you do after the text/twitter/Facebook messages stop coming? When dinner is over and you stop receiving the gifts and cards how serious are you about being a mother? I heard Michelle Obama say today that "being a mother is the most important thing that I will ever do...my daughters didn't ask to come here, Barack and I made a CHOICE to have them." The key word there being CHOICE!
I believe there are wayyyy to many people out there choosing to have babies because it's popular, or because they were irresponsible while having sex. Then when the daunting task of motherhood comes they find the easiest way to run from that responsibility or to allow grandma/auntie to raise their kids. Then on days like Mother's Day they expect to be praised and have the red carpet rolled out for them. Well call me mean or insensitive, but I don't subscribe to that behavior. I refuse to praise people because the calendar says I should. That's like me asking for a raise or promotion on my job when I half ass show up to work and when I do show up I don't do the job well.
Look I know I'm gonna catch a lot of slack for my opinion on this, but the reason I feel so strongly is because I've seen what good looks like. I've had some of the best mothering ever! This isn't me talking to the good mothers out there. This is me addressing the half ass mothers out there who are terrible examples to their kids. Who spend more time fussing then nurturing. Who keep their kids in bad situations and bad environments. Who spend more time at the club then at the table helping with homework. Who have never shown up to a parent/teacher conference or PTA meeting. Who always put their deadbeat boyfriends in front of their kids. Who use terrible language in front of their kids and then wonder why the kids are cussing in school. Who refuse to grow up for the sake of the future of their kids. Finally the ones who keep their kids from their father (the good fathers) all because they are personally mad at the father!
All I'm saying is this...motherhood is a gift and a choice and when done right it's the most impactful job any woman can ever have. There are so many mothers out there doing great work and holding down families single handedly. They are working 2 jobs and still helping with homework and showing up at every little league game. They refuse to let negative influences and men in their lives and around their kids. They try to be cordial with the father (the good fathers) for the sake of the kids even if they dislike him personally. Those are the mothers who on this day I say Happy Mother's Day to...you deserve it!
A mother's love, I've experienced it in more ways than I can count and I miss it everyday. For all of you mothers out there if you give that mother's love everyday I salute you, but if you aren't I challenge you to start today! Just like the first Mother's Love blog I ask you...when your kids are old enough to understand and they write a blog...what will they write about you!?!
RIP Brenda Spry...I love you and I miss you!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
I SAY YES!!!
What's up ppl!!!! I know it's been a while since you have heard from me, but due to ppl contacting me and wanting more, I had to give you some more food for thought!! Okay so check it out...I'm a little less than a month away from my wedding and it's finally dawning on me that I am about to be married....I can see it now...all the ladies reading are like "awwwwwww" and all the fellas are like "you sure u wanna do that?" lol. Surprisingly enough my answer to that question is "YES." Let me explain....
Ok so I know that as a man society tells us we are not supposed to be excited about marriage right. I know we are supposed to be victims of our own sexual appetites that we lustfully desire to feed with a plethora of women, but ultimately we are left still hungry for this little thing called SUBSTANCE! So as a result as men we fight this internal battle of sex vs. substance and while we are busy fighting we usually end up losing the substance we wanted, while searching for the sex, just to look back and say..."damn I lost a good one." Man how many times have I seen/heard this scenario, thus I am choosing the substance over the sex so with that said...I say YES!
So with saying yes to the substance there comes a responsibility. The responsibility is the one that says that I will embark on a journey that is bigger than myself and my own selfish desires so that I may lay a foundation that will build a legacy. You see as men we must come to a point where we realize that our legacies are built not by the number of women we conquer, but by the impact we have on our families and the people around us. How many men are now 50 years old looking back regretting the fact that they never did right by their family, or that they never had an impact that they will be remembered for, and now they are trying to make up for lost time? I don't want to build my legacy reactively, instead I want to build it proactively so with that being said...I say YES!
Another reality that many men won't admit to is that just as women desire stability and security, men do too. This whole idea of "ride or die chick" and Bonnie and Clyde and all that stuff is just a cool way of saying I wan't and need someone to be here for me when times get tough. I need someone to share the sunny days and the rain with me. I need someone to encourage me, support me, and believe in me even when I don't believe in myself. I need someone that I can count on to represent me and our family the right way. I need someone to pick me up when I fall! Ultimately we all just need someone that's going to have our back! With that being said....I say YES!
So earlier I mentioned "sex vs. substance" and it brings me back to a conversation that I had with an old head where he said "you have to think beyond the sex." Being a male one of the hardest things to do is "think beyond the sex." We desire women from a young age, we learn to embrace the chase, and our identities become rooted in sexual conquests. As a result of the time and energy we invest into validating our manhood through sex many of us never learn how to validate our manhood through character and family. Now don't get me wrong we will always be physically attracted to other women just as women will be attracted to other men....but it is only after we have learned to "think beyond the sex" that those thoughts don't manifest into actions. One thing every guy knows is that if there is no substance behind the sex then after the orgasm there is no more desire to really even be in her presence...I know every lady believes he wants to stay around and cuddle, but the reality is that no substance=no cuddle=be gone! #TruStory
So everyday that I tell someone I'm engaged inevitably I hear the same thing..."you sure you want to do that"...."you're too young"..."why would give up the single life?" Being that I am only human I can't lie and say that consistently hearing those things don't make some sort of impact on my thought process. Some days I can't help but wonder, what if, or is it the right decision, or would the streets be more "fun." I think this though is where the gift God gave me of vision, influenced by the experiences he has put me through me in my life, that in turn have aided in my growth all help me to value this idea of life being about something bigger than yourself. Okay let me break that down. God put me through some things that forced me to grow up and helped me to see that even early in life you can work towards fulfilling his vision of people deciding to be selfless and choosing to do things that are bigger than themselves!
I don't want to get too philosophical and I won't sit here and act like it's always just that easy. What I will say though is that what makes "saying yes" so easy for me is very simple. It's the fact that God put someone in my life with so much substance, that's so genuine and so loving, that's so selfless and not to mention beautiful...that she brings out everything good in me, while accepting the bad in me, all while believing in the great in me that has yet to come. With that being said...."I say yes!"
So you may be asking...Troy what's the point or what's the message? My point and message is this: choose substance over sex and that will allow you to embrace the responsibility of being bigger than yourself so that you may begin to build your legacy now instead of trying to rebuild it later when it's too late, but when you do decide to say "yes" do it with someone who makes it easy to do so! Thanks for reading folks!
Join my page, follow me on twitter @xklisive5, and feel free to leave a comment or feedback! Thanks
Ok so I know that as a man society tells us we are not supposed to be excited about marriage right. I know we are supposed to be victims of our own sexual appetites that we lustfully desire to feed with a plethora of women, but ultimately we are left still hungry for this little thing called SUBSTANCE! So as a result as men we fight this internal battle of sex vs. substance and while we are busy fighting we usually end up losing the substance we wanted, while searching for the sex, just to look back and say..."damn I lost a good one." Man how many times have I seen/heard this scenario, thus I am choosing the substance over the sex so with that said...I say YES!
So with saying yes to the substance there comes a responsibility. The responsibility is the one that says that I will embark on a journey that is bigger than myself and my own selfish desires so that I may lay a foundation that will build a legacy. You see as men we must come to a point where we realize that our legacies are built not by the number of women we conquer, but by the impact we have on our families and the people around us. How many men are now 50 years old looking back regretting the fact that they never did right by their family, or that they never had an impact that they will be remembered for, and now they are trying to make up for lost time? I don't want to build my legacy reactively, instead I want to build it proactively so with that being said...I say YES!
Another reality that many men won't admit to is that just as women desire stability and security, men do too. This whole idea of "ride or die chick" and Bonnie and Clyde and all that stuff is just a cool way of saying I wan't and need someone to be here for me when times get tough. I need someone to share the sunny days and the rain with me. I need someone to encourage me, support me, and believe in me even when I don't believe in myself. I need someone that I can count on to represent me and our family the right way. I need someone to pick me up when I fall! Ultimately we all just need someone that's going to have our back! With that being said....I say YES!
So earlier I mentioned "sex vs. substance" and it brings me back to a conversation that I had with an old head where he said "you have to think beyond the sex." Being a male one of the hardest things to do is "think beyond the sex." We desire women from a young age, we learn to embrace the chase, and our identities become rooted in sexual conquests. As a result of the time and energy we invest into validating our manhood through sex many of us never learn how to validate our manhood through character and family. Now don't get me wrong we will always be physically attracted to other women just as women will be attracted to other men....but it is only after we have learned to "think beyond the sex" that those thoughts don't manifest into actions. One thing every guy knows is that if there is no substance behind the sex then after the orgasm there is no more desire to really even be in her presence...I know every lady believes he wants to stay around and cuddle, but the reality is that no substance=no cuddle=be gone! #TruStory
So everyday that I tell someone I'm engaged inevitably I hear the same thing..."you sure you want to do that"...."you're too young"..."why would give up the single life?" Being that I am only human I can't lie and say that consistently hearing those things don't make some sort of impact on my thought process. Some days I can't help but wonder, what if, or is it the right decision, or would the streets be more "fun." I think this though is where the gift God gave me of vision, influenced by the experiences he has put me through me in my life, that in turn have aided in my growth all help me to value this idea of life being about something bigger than yourself. Okay let me break that down. God put me through some things that forced me to grow up and helped me to see that even early in life you can work towards fulfilling his vision of people deciding to be selfless and choosing to do things that are bigger than themselves!
I don't want to get too philosophical and I won't sit here and act like it's always just that easy. What I will say though is that what makes "saying yes" so easy for me is very simple. It's the fact that God put someone in my life with so much substance, that's so genuine and so loving, that's so selfless and not to mention beautiful...that she brings out everything good in me, while accepting the bad in me, all while believing in the great in me that has yet to come. With that being said...."I say yes!"
So you may be asking...Troy what's the point or what's the message? My point and message is this: choose substance over sex and that will allow you to embrace the responsibility of being bigger than yourself so that you may begin to build your legacy now instead of trying to rebuild it later when it's too late, but when you do decide to say "yes" do it with someone who makes it easy to do so! Thanks for reading folks!
Join my page, follow me on twitter @xklisive5, and feel free to leave a comment or feedback! Thanks
Sunday, February 19, 2012
BREATHE...STRETCH...SHAKE...LET IT GO!
2012!!!! I say that like the ball just dropped or something, but its already February and I'm just now writing my first blog of the new year! What can I say....life happens, but I"m back! So I went back and forth about what my first blog of the new year would be about and I decided that I would tell yall about the decision I made this year with the hope that it may inspire some of you to follow me.
For some reason I had a flashback of the song by Mase called..."Breath, Stretch, Shake, Let it go," for all of you who don't remember that song just youtube it or click on this link: http://youtu.be/46E50EE94RY. Now when you listen to song my blog wasn't motivated necessarily by the bars in the song as much as it was motivated by the chorus b/c there are so many of us who could benefit from doing just what the chorus says.."BREATHE...STRETCH...SHAKE...LET IT GO!" Let me explain:
The first thing I'm asking people to do in their life this year is BREATHE! When I say breathe its not in the literal sense but more so metaphorically... in 2012 inhale all the positivity that you can and exhale all the negativity. The more I grow the more I believe in the concept of having positive energy and surrounding yourself with positive people. Ive realized that the easy thing to do in life is be negative and focus on the negative aspects of our lives, but even though it's the easiest thing for us to do it's the WORST thing we can do for our spirits and for the people around us. We all know we have been around those folks that consistently drain you when you speak to them because everyday is a bad day, their dog died, they're broke, they hate their job, their relationship (or lack there of ) sucks, they got a rash and just developed hemorrhoids....okay well that might be pushing it, but you get the picture! My point is this...too many times we let this negativity transfer into our lives and suddenly we start to have bad days and hemorrhoids and next thing you know we become that same person. We tend to let people like this remain in our lives b/c they have just always been there, or because it's a family member, or a long time friend, but what I am challenging you to do is take that one deep BREATH this year and inhale all the positive people (oxygen) and get rid of all of the negative people (carbon dioxide)! For all of you science people just think about it...isn't one of the places that carbon dioxide is formed is in the DECAY of animal matter!?! (Think about it)
Okay now the second think I am going to challenge you to do is STRETCH! If you look at STRETCH defined it can mean to extend or expand expecially by force. So lets break this down a little bit. The first part of the definition states to extend...so here is my point and challenge to you. I tend to feel the best about myself and my life when I EXTEND myself to others. Rather it's being there for a friend, family member, or mentee I believe that God put us here to be servants in different capacities. I amchallenging you to seek what capacity God has put you here for so that someone may benefit from you extending yourself to them. Now look at the second part of the definition which is to EXPAND. One of the most frustrating things for me is to watch people refuse to expand their minds and be willing to step outside of their typical reality. One thing we must all understand is that many times we are merely victims of our own small mindedness and unwillingness to step outside of our comfort zones. With every new experience we gain, we expand our minds to what possibilities may exist and gain bits of confidence that eventually help us to form the mentatality of "WHY NOT ME!" What that means is that the more we EXPAND our horizons the more we realize that the horizons are more attainable then we may have thought!
SHAKE!! Yeah this is the part that sounds pretty cliche please, please, please shake the haters off! I'm so tired of everybody feeling like they need to address their "haters," via social networks. First and foremost...let's be real...many of you have imaginary haters because it makes you feel better about yourself. So the first challenge is to gain some haters because you are doing something positive r you are achieving a certain level of success (trust me they will come). Then once you gain some haters for those good reasons SHAKE the desire to feel as if you need to address them. Like I mentioned earlier negative people hate to see people doing positive things so why validate anything people say about you by addressing them. If you know that what you are doing is the right thing and that it serves a higher purpose then find peace in that fact alone. The other thing I challenge you to do is SHAKE the temptation to feel sorry for yourself and SHAKE the grasp of complacency. I say this because it's almost inevitable that at some point we all will fall, and when we fall the easy thing for us to do is stay down and feel sorry for ourselves. My challenge to you this year is that not only that you try, but also that if you fall you don't let it paralyze you, instead SHAKE it off and you get up and walk again!
Finally folks I challenge you to LET IT GO! Now when I say LET IT GO people, I'm talking about letting go of anyone or anything that has been holding you back. So many of you have been holding on to that old relationship that's scarred you making it hard for you love again. Others are holding on to those family members who they feel loyalty to b/c they are blood, but at the end of the day those family members are draining them more than supporting them. There are even more people who are holding on to those friends that they have clearly outgrown b/c they are fearful of being called "fake" or "forgetting where they came from." Many times people are holding on to poisonous relationships with the HOPE that things will get better, WISHING the other person might change, and PRAYING that God will fix things. We must all get to the point where we care enough about ourselves that we decide to let go of the people and the things that take away more value than they add. With that said my last challenge to you is to LET IT GO...I'm almost sure that as you are reading blog you know exactly who and what you need to LET GO!
Okay so I know this blog was a little long and it wasn't my usual controversial, relationship issue blog, but it was just some things that were on my heart. If the blog was to long and you got kind of lost in the weeds I hope that you may be inspired to do these few things this year:
1) BREATHE: Inhale the positivity and exhale the negativity.
2) STRETCH: Extend yourself and expand your horizons.
3) SHAKE: Do something positive enough to gain haters so that you can shake the haters off, shake the temptation to feel sorry for yourself, and shake away from the grasp of complacency.
4) LET IT GO: Let go of the people, relationships, and things that take away more value than they add!
THANKS FOR READING PEOPLE AND FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND TO SHARE THE BLOG! FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @XKLUSIVE5
For some reason I had a flashback of the song by Mase called..."Breath, Stretch, Shake, Let it go," for all of you who don't remember that song just youtube it or click on this link: http://youtu.be/46E50EE94RY. Now when you listen to song my blog wasn't motivated necessarily by the bars in the song as much as it was motivated by the chorus b/c there are so many of us who could benefit from doing just what the chorus says.."BREATHE...STRETCH...SHAKE...LET IT GO!" Let me explain:
The first thing I'm asking people to do in their life this year is BREATHE! When I say breathe its not in the literal sense but more so metaphorically... in 2012 inhale all the positivity that you can and exhale all the negativity. The more I grow the more I believe in the concept of having positive energy and surrounding yourself with positive people. Ive realized that the easy thing to do in life is be negative and focus on the negative aspects of our lives, but even though it's the easiest thing for us to do it's the WORST thing we can do for our spirits and for the people around us. We all know we have been around those folks that consistently drain you when you speak to them because everyday is a bad day, their dog died, they're broke, they hate their job, their relationship (or lack there of ) sucks, they got a rash and just developed hemorrhoids....okay well that might be pushing it, but you get the picture! My point is this...too many times we let this negativity transfer into our lives and suddenly we start to have bad days and hemorrhoids and next thing you know we become that same person. We tend to let people like this remain in our lives b/c they have just always been there, or because it's a family member, or a long time friend, but what I am challenging you to do is take that one deep BREATH this year and inhale all the positive people (oxygen) and get rid of all of the negative people (carbon dioxide)! For all of you science people just think about it...isn't one of the places that carbon dioxide is formed is in the DECAY of animal matter!?! (Think about it)
Okay now the second think I am going to challenge you to do is STRETCH! If you look at STRETCH defined it can mean to extend or expand expecially by force. So lets break this down a little bit. The first part of the definition states to extend...so here is my point and challenge to you. I tend to feel the best about myself and my life when I EXTEND myself to others. Rather it's being there for a friend, family member, or mentee I believe that God put us here to be servants in different capacities. I amchallenging you to seek what capacity God has put you here for so that someone may benefit from you extending yourself to them. Now look at the second part of the definition which is to EXPAND. One of the most frustrating things for me is to watch people refuse to expand their minds and be willing to step outside of their typical reality. One thing we must all understand is that many times we are merely victims of our own small mindedness and unwillingness to step outside of our comfort zones. With every new experience we gain, we expand our minds to what possibilities may exist and gain bits of confidence that eventually help us to form the mentatality of "WHY NOT ME!" What that means is that the more we EXPAND our horizons the more we realize that the horizons are more attainable then we may have thought!
SHAKE!! Yeah this is the part that sounds pretty cliche please, please, please shake the haters off! I'm so tired of everybody feeling like they need to address their "haters," via social networks. First and foremost...let's be real...many of you have imaginary haters because it makes you feel better about yourself. So the first challenge is to gain some haters because you are doing something positive r you are achieving a certain level of success (trust me they will come). Then once you gain some haters for those good reasons SHAKE the desire to feel as if you need to address them. Like I mentioned earlier negative people hate to see people doing positive things so why validate anything people say about you by addressing them. If you know that what you are doing is the right thing and that it serves a higher purpose then find peace in that fact alone. The other thing I challenge you to do is SHAKE the temptation to feel sorry for yourself and SHAKE the grasp of complacency. I say this because it's almost inevitable that at some point we all will fall, and when we fall the easy thing for us to do is stay down and feel sorry for ourselves. My challenge to you this year is that not only that you try, but also that if you fall you don't let it paralyze you, instead SHAKE it off and you get up and walk again!
Finally folks I challenge you to LET IT GO! Now when I say LET IT GO people, I'm talking about letting go of anyone or anything that has been holding you back. So many of you have been holding on to that old relationship that's scarred you making it hard for you love again. Others are holding on to those family members who they feel loyalty to b/c they are blood, but at the end of the day those family members are draining them more than supporting them. There are even more people who are holding on to those friends that they have clearly outgrown b/c they are fearful of being called "fake" or "forgetting where they came from." Many times people are holding on to poisonous relationships with the HOPE that things will get better, WISHING the other person might change, and PRAYING that God will fix things. We must all get to the point where we care enough about ourselves that we decide to let go of the people and the things that take away more value than they add. With that said my last challenge to you is to LET IT GO...I'm almost sure that as you are reading blog you know exactly who and what you need to LET GO!
Okay so I know this blog was a little long and it wasn't my usual controversial, relationship issue blog, but it was just some things that were on my heart. If the blog was to long and you got kind of lost in the weeds I hope that you may be inspired to do these few things this year:
1) BREATHE: Inhale the positivity and exhale the negativity.
2) STRETCH: Extend yourself and expand your horizons.
3) SHAKE: Do something positive enough to gain haters so that you can shake the haters off, shake the temptation to feel sorry for yourself, and shake away from the grasp of complacency.
4) LET IT GO: Let go of the people, relationships, and things that take away more value than they add!
THANKS FOR READING PEOPLE AND FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND TO SHARE THE BLOG! FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @XKLUSIVE5
Sunday, December 11, 2011
HARSH REALITY!!
Okay okay okay I got a lot of blog topic requests and I can assure you I will address them all at some point, but I had to go here first b/c I've seen and heard enough!! I can't take it anymore! I tried to be subtle about it in a few other blogs (Be Careful What You Sign Up For, and BooThang), but because I keep hearing the same this same sad story over and over I just had to blog about it! So you might be asking, "What has you so worked up?" and my answer is.....just keep reading! Ha!
So somebody please help me understand why it seems as if people are lying less, but the emotional rollercoasters are getting bigger and more complex. Follow me on this...how many times have you heard/seen this scenario......guy and girl meet or they could even be past associates or friends...guy tells girl Im not looking for a relationship or anything serious right now...girl says okay that's cool we can just chill and hang out b/c Im not looking for anything serious either...guy says okay cool...girl and guy start spending time together....guy and girl become sexual...guy is cool with just having sex, but girl begins to catch feelings...girl begins to get mad because she isn't getting all the attention she believes she deserves (wants to be treated like a girlfriend)...guy says I thought we AGREED that niether of us wanted anything serious...girl says well "that was before" (before she caught feelings)...guy says well we can kick it, but I really don't want anything serious right now...girl says guy is a jerk and tells all her friends how he lied to her and lead her on and how HIS SEX WASN'T THAT GOOD ANYWAY!" LOL
Okay Im sure more men then woman have heard this scenario, but nevertheless everyone can relate. Yeah fellas as much as you want me to get on the ladies trust that I know some of you dudes catch feelings just ask quick as the women...but I digress! So now that you have had time to think about this scenario lets talk about it. So what it seems has happened is that people have began to be more honest about what they want out of a situation, but for some reason it consistently falls on deaf ears! I have tried and tried and tried to figure out why this happens consistently and it comes down to one thing REALITY! No one wants to face the reality that men and women are built differently, and no one wants to face the reality that as humans we are naturally SELFISH!!
Let me address the first harsh reality of men and women being built differently. Look ladies I know you may have heard this a thousand times, but for some reason you just have to end up heart broken over and over again before you believe it. I know Steve Harvey told yall to Act Like a Lady and Think Like A Man, but the problem with that is that yall aren't, and will never be wired to do that. With that being said just stop it already!! Accept the fact that yall are emotional beings and no matter how much you put your guards up, and mentally try to say you aren't going to fall for a guy the odds are that you probably WILL! Look most of the time women will only entertain men, especially sexually, that they could see some kind of potential in and that they are attracted to beyond just physically, thus if you begin to spend enough time with that type of guy and you enjoy his company and his sex then you will inevitably want more from him! Guys are not like that ladies. Guys will entertain women who they are attracted to JUST PHYSICALLY, and could NEVER see any potential in them being together. Men will have sex with that woman and even casually entertain her just to continue to be sexual with her, but that does not mean he will want more! I can see it now...all the ladies are rolling their eyes asking WHY?? Look there is no WHY it just IS WHAT IT IS! The minute that yall face that reality you will save your poor little hearts a lot of problems!
Now fellas I can't let yall off that easy b/c not only are some of you guilty of making "agreements" up front and then later catching feelings, but you also are guilty of knowing that women are built this way and still signing up for the confusion that is gonna come with it! Fellas you usually know all the signs of when a woman you aren't TRULY interested in is wanting more...you know b/c you start to see she wants GIRLFRIEND PRIVELEDGES, just without the title. The problem is that even though you know the signs, b/c you still want to have the sexual benefit you will put up with it until ish hits the fan. What I am merely suggesting is save yourself and save her the drama and either stop signing up for it or at least nip it in the budd when all the signs are obvious. Although she will still probably think you are a JERK and tell her friends how bad your sex was (lol) she will later look back and realize that you were just looking out for her heart.
Now let me address the second harsh reality of all of us being SELFISH! I say we are all selfish b/c naturally when we have found a good thing we want it all to ourselves. Ladies this is the reason that even though you may "agree" that you don't want a relationship, its almost emotionally impossible for you to hold up that agreement if you feel like the guy is a good catch, could be a good guy for you, and you enjoy the sex. Look if you don't believe me riddle me this: I know of numerous times when I have heard of a girl who is currently in a relationship started spending time and sexing another guy (side man), but despite the fact that she is in a relationship she dosen't want her side man dating anyone else or gets mad when he dosen't treat her like his girlfriend! Now if that isn't selfish then I dont know what is and yes it proves my point!! As for the fellas our SELFISHNESS is defined in our desire to want to have the sexual fullfillment and egotistical justifications without having any real form of committment. Yup its the age old saying that we want to "have our cake and eat it too!"...On a side note..I hate that statement b/c if you are constantly given the "cake" then what are you suppossed to do with it but eat it...but I digress!! The bottom line is that we want what we want and we want it all to ourselves!!
The real point I want to make is this. We have to get to a point where we understand that sometimes things just are what they are. We spend so much time and frustration trying to figure out the WHY behind things when we should just focus more on making better decisions on the front end! Stop walking down paths when you know where they will lead just so you can later ask yourself WHY and end up blaming somebody else for the decision you made!
*****Oh and by the way ladies I hate to break this to you, but when your girl gets mad and starts to dog a guys sex game when they don't get what they want from a dude ask yourself this....why did she entertain the guy so long and if it was that bad then why on earth was she being so SELFISH with him and his sex game?? Hmmmm #questionsthatneedanswers! lol
Thanks for reading and I appreciate any comments or feedback! Follow me on twitter @XKLUSIVE5!!
So somebody please help me understand why it seems as if people are lying less, but the emotional rollercoasters are getting bigger and more complex. Follow me on this...how many times have you heard/seen this scenario......guy and girl meet or they could even be past associates or friends...guy tells girl Im not looking for a relationship or anything serious right now...girl says okay that's cool we can just chill and hang out b/c Im not looking for anything serious either...guy says okay cool...girl and guy start spending time together....guy and girl become sexual...guy is cool with just having sex, but girl begins to catch feelings...girl begins to get mad because she isn't getting all the attention she believes she deserves (wants to be treated like a girlfriend)...guy says I thought we AGREED that niether of us wanted anything serious...girl says well "that was before" (before she caught feelings)...guy says well we can kick it, but I really don't want anything serious right now...girl says guy is a jerk and tells all her friends how he lied to her and lead her on and how HIS SEX WASN'T THAT GOOD ANYWAY!" LOL
Okay Im sure more men then woman have heard this scenario, but nevertheless everyone can relate. Yeah fellas as much as you want me to get on the ladies trust that I know some of you dudes catch feelings just ask quick as the women...but I digress! So now that you have had time to think about this scenario lets talk about it. So what it seems has happened is that people have began to be more honest about what they want out of a situation, but for some reason it consistently falls on deaf ears! I have tried and tried and tried to figure out why this happens consistently and it comes down to one thing REALITY! No one wants to face the reality that men and women are built differently, and no one wants to face the reality that as humans we are naturally SELFISH!!
Let me address the first harsh reality of men and women being built differently. Look ladies I know you may have heard this a thousand times, but for some reason you just have to end up heart broken over and over again before you believe it. I know Steve Harvey told yall to Act Like a Lady and Think Like A Man, but the problem with that is that yall aren't, and will never be wired to do that. With that being said just stop it already!! Accept the fact that yall are emotional beings and no matter how much you put your guards up, and mentally try to say you aren't going to fall for a guy the odds are that you probably WILL! Look most of the time women will only entertain men, especially sexually, that they could see some kind of potential in and that they are attracted to beyond just physically, thus if you begin to spend enough time with that type of guy and you enjoy his company and his sex then you will inevitably want more from him! Guys are not like that ladies. Guys will entertain women who they are attracted to JUST PHYSICALLY, and could NEVER see any potential in them being together. Men will have sex with that woman and even casually entertain her just to continue to be sexual with her, but that does not mean he will want more! I can see it now...all the ladies are rolling their eyes asking WHY?? Look there is no WHY it just IS WHAT IT IS! The minute that yall face that reality you will save your poor little hearts a lot of problems!
Now fellas I can't let yall off that easy b/c not only are some of you guilty of making "agreements" up front and then later catching feelings, but you also are guilty of knowing that women are built this way and still signing up for the confusion that is gonna come with it! Fellas you usually know all the signs of when a woman you aren't TRULY interested in is wanting more...you know b/c you start to see she wants GIRLFRIEND PRIVELEDGES, just without the title. The problem is that even though you know the signs, b/c you still want to have the sexual benefit you will put up with it until ish hits the fan. What I am merely suggesting is save yourself and save her the drama and either stop signing up for it or at least nip it in the budd when all the signs are obvious. Although she will still probably think you are a JERK and tell her friends how bad your sex was (lol) she will later look back and realize that you were just looking out for her heart.
Now let me address the second harsh reality of all of us being SELFISH! I say we are all selfish b/c naturally when we have found a good thing we want it all to ourselves. Ladies this is the reason that even though you may "agree" that you don't want a relationship, its almost emotionally impossible for you to hold up that agreement if you feel like the guy is a good catch, could be a good guy for you, and you enjoy the sex. Look if you don't believe me riddle me this: I know of numerous times when I have heard of a girl who is currently in a relationship started spending time and sexing another guy (side man), but despite the fact that she is in a relationship she dosen't want her side man dating anyone else or gets mad when he dosen't treat her like his girlfriend! Now if that isn't selfish then I dont know what is and yes it proves my point!! As for the fellas our SELFISHNESS is defined in our desire to want to have the sexual fullfillment and egotistical justifications without having any real form of committment. Yup its the age old saying that we want to "have our cake and eat it too!"...On a side note..I hate that statement b/c if you are constantly given the "cake" then what are you suppossed to do with it but eat it...but I digress!! The bottom line is that we want what we want and we want it all to ourselves!!
The real point I want to make is this. We have to get to a point where we understand that sometimes things just are what they are. We spend so much time and frustration trying to figure out the WHY behind things when we should just focus more on making better decisions on the front end! Stop walking down paths when you know where they will lead just so you can later ask yourself WHY and end up blaming somebody else for the decision you made!
*****Oh and by the way ladies I hate to break this to you, but when your girl gets mad and starts to dog a guys sex game when they don't get what they want from a dude ask yourself this....why did she entertain the guy so long and if it was that bad then why on earth was she being so SELFISH with him and his sex game?? Hmmmm #questionsthatneedanswers! lol
Thanks for reading and I appreciate any comments or feedback! Follow me on twitter @XKLUSIVE5!!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
"WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS!"
Well maybe I should have named this blog "yall can't be friends," but hey yall get my point! Alright, alright, alright (Kevin Hart voice), I don't know about yall, but this is a concept that so many people can't seem to grasp. The concept I am speaking of is this concept that some how, some way you can be best friends with your ex girlfriend/boyfriend (that you havent been broken up with very long), and then think you can meet someone new and they are just suppossed to be "cool" with that! Okay okay okay so let me get this straight...you want me to just be cool with you being bff's with the person that you used to tounge kiss, hug, have freaky sex with, cry with, laugh with,..became part of their family, probably talked about marriage with and probably even watched them use the bathroom at some point? LMAO...REALLY, NO REALLY?? I know what some of you are thinking, your thinking "there is nothing wrong with being friends with your ex," or your thinking "well they should be cool with it b/c the ex was there before them," or finally your thinking "I know plenty of people who are good friends with their ex!" Well before you go getting an attitude with me I want you to think about this first...ok Im sure all of us are old enough to have had an ex before so do me a favor and think about how long it really and truly took you to be OVER that ex. Now think about how many times you and that ex were broken up, but yall played that in and out, love/hate, emotional rollercoaster game. Now think about all the times yall said it was over but yall were still having sex! Okay now finally do me a favor and help me to understand why in the hell you think that the new person you are pursuing should be cool with you being "friends" with that same person?? Yeah that thought process just bought you and that attitude down a couple of notches huh!
Okay now that the attitudes are gone lets examine this issue a little bit. First and foremost lets address this issue that I like to call "PROXIMITY!" For all of you who don't know what that means go look it up and then come finish reading. The bottom line is that when a person is an EX and you were truly in love with them, no matter how yall broke up there are still a bunch of reasons that you were in love with them, and what you must understand is that sheer proximity sometimes will not let those feelings go away. So what this means is that yall textin, callin, skyping, communicating, and hanging out and all that stuff is nothing but a breeding ground for those feelings to resurface and cause confusion. I dont care who you are and no matter how rational you are if you have ever been in love you know that just saying we are broken up vs. actually being broken up is a process. It's a process that is never successful as long as the two people are trying to be "friends" and do things the same way just without the title. Please remember that committing and breaking up are both ACTIONS so just b/c you use the words dosen't mean you are necessarily practicing them!
When you are trying to pursue a new relationship, but you make your EX a priority the only thing you do is send signs to the new person that they aren't a priority. When you are always justifying and defending why you and your ex still talk so much, or you act as if its not that big of a deal you immediately begin to lose "trust points" with the new person. OH don't act like you have never been dating a girl or dude who always be communicating with their ex but when you ask why they say "trust me it's not that big a deal!" What you dont know is the other person is thinking NO...I dont trust you, and furthermore if it's not that big a deal then why does it seem like such a damn priority!! I mean seriously how many times do people have to lose out on someone who is good for them b/c they spend so much time trying to be "cool" with someone who has PROVEN not to be good them!!
The other thing that people seem to not remember is that people/your ex will almost always tell you everything you want to hear and all of sudden want to "change" when they feel that they are about to lose you for real. Most of the time "for real" is when you are becoming interested in someone new. If you think Im lying....think about that friend that you know keeps sabotaging any new relationships b/c she runs back to her ex b/c he or she all of sudden wants to "work things out!" Look people Im not saying that people don't change or can't change, but I am saying stop ruining your chances at true happiness b/c you keep focusing on the WORDS of your ex and not the ACTIONS of your ex. The person is your EX for a reason so woman/man up and realize that you won't ever truly know why their your ex and get over them until you get out of your feelings and stop trying to be cool with them. Just because you separtate yourself dosen't mean your turning your back on them or you dont care about them it just means you care enough about you to do what needs to be done in order to move on!!
NEWS FLASH PEOPLE: Nobody wants to feel like they have to compete with your ex, hell if they really like you they already jealous that somebody got you before them! LOL
Back to the regularly scheduled program! So whats my point?? My point is stop thinking you can be friends with you ex and even more importantly stop expecting the new person you are dating to be cool with it! Although I know many people won't agree with what I am trying to get across I honestly believe that the people that will be the most resistent to this concept are the people who are still looking for reasons to be friends with their ex and they havent gotten to the point where they are really ready to close that chapter in their life. If you aren't ready to close that chapter all the way do two things, stop calling the person your ex, and stop being selfish and dragging other people into your world of emotional roller coasters! It's okay if you aren't over your ex, but its not okay to have someone pursuing you when you know you really aren't ready to let go!
I hope that this blog can serve as an inspiration for those people who miss out on happiness b/c they keep revisiting bitterness! Sometimes you have to make room for your blessings and many times that's not possible when you are holding on to what was, instead of focusing on what could be!
Thanks for reading and please follow my blog and follow me on twitter @xklusive5
Feel free to leave your comments and feedback also!!
Okay now that the attitudes are gone lets examine this issue a little bit. First and foremost lets address this issue that I like to call "PROXIMITY!" For all of you who don't know what that means go look it up and then come finish reading. The bottom line is that when a person is an EX and you were truly in love with them, no matter how yall broke up there are still a bunch of reasons that you were in love with them, and what you must understand is that sheer proximity sometimes will not let those feelings go away. So what this means is that yall textin, callin, skyping, communicating, and hanging out and all that stuff is nothing but a breeding ground for those feelings to resurface and cause confusion. I dont care who you are and no matter how rational you are if you have ever been in love you know that just saying we are broken up vs. actually being broken up is a process. It's a process that is never successful as long as the two people are trying to be "friends" and do things the same way just without the title. Please remember that committing and breaking up are both ACTIONS so just b/c you use the words dosen't mean you are necessarily practicing them!
When you are trying to pursue a new relationship, but you make your EX a priority the only thing you do is send signs to the new person that they aren't a priority. When you are always justifying and defending why you and your ex still talk so much, or you act as if its not that big of a deal you immediately begin to lose "trust points" with the new person. OH don't act like you have never been dating a girl or dude who always be communicating with their ex but when you ask why they say "trust me it's not that big a deal!" What you dont know is the other person is thinking NO...I dont trust you, and furthermore if it's not that big a deal then why does it seem like such a damn priority!! I mean seriously how many times do people have to lose out on someone who is good for them b/c they spend so much time trying to be "cool" with someone who has PROVEN not to be good them!!
The other thing that people seem to not remember is that people/your ex will almost always tell you everything you want to hear and all of sudden want to "change" when they feel that they are about to lose you for real. Most of the time "for real" is when you are becoming interested in someone new. If you think Im lying....think about that friend that you know keeps sabotaging any new relationships b/c she runs back to her ex b/c he or she all of sudden wants to "work things out!" Look people Im not saying that people don't change or can't change, but I am saying stop ruining your chances at true happiness b/c you keep focusing on the WORDS of your ex and not the ACTIONS of your ex. The person is your EX for a reason so woman/man up and realize that you won't ever truly know why their your ex and get over them until you get out of your feelings and stop trying to be cool with them. Just because you separtate yourself dosen't mean your turning your back on them or you dont care about them it just means you care enough about you to do what needs to be done in order to move on!!
NEWS FLASH PEOPLE: Nobody wants to feel like they have to compete with your ex, hell if they really like you they already jealous that somebody got you before them! LOL
Back to the regularly scheduled program! So whats my point?? My point is stop thinking you can be friends with you ex and even more importantly stop expecting the new person you are dating to be cool with it! Although I know many people won't agree with what I am trying to get across I honestly believe that the people that will be the most resistent to this concept are the people who are still looking for reasons to be friends with their ex and they havent gotten to the point where they are really ready to close that chapter in their life. If you aren't ready to close that chapter all the way do two things, stop calling the person your ex, and stop being selfish and dragging other people into your world of emotional roller coasters! It's okay if you aren't over your ex, but its not okay to have someone pursuing you when you know you really aren't ready to let go!
I hope that this blog can serve as an inspiration for those people who miss out on happiness b/c they keep revisiting bitterness! Sometimes you have to make room for your blessings and many times that's not possible when you are holding on to what was, instead of focusing on what could be!
Thanks for reading and please follow my blog and follow me on twitter @xklusive5
Feel free to leave your comments and feedback also!!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
72 DAYS...REALLY??
72 Days!!! Really Kim Kardashian...really, you gave your marriage 72 days! Well I can't say I expected any other outcome from that spectacle of a wedding/relationship, but out of that debacle at least my next blog was born!! I briefly touched on this issue briefly in a previous blog entitled "Be Careful What You Signed Up For," but I figured I needed to go a little bit deeper since obviously Kim didn't get the memo the first time (Hey I can believe she reads my blogs if I want to...don't judge me! lol)
In my "humble" opinion (I put humble in quotes b/c whenever you have a strong opinion you sometimes get labled as cocky or arrogant lol)...the issue isn't Kim Kardashian's divorce, the deeper issue is the lack of seriousness about relationships! For some reason celebrities have made it cool for people to jump into relationships and marriages after a very limited amount of time of knowing someone (ie: 3 months). I believe that one of the fundamental reasons for relationships not lasting is the fact that people are in love with the IDEA of a relationship, but haven't really given enough time to truly be IN LOVE with the relationship/person.
Now don't get me wrong I like to see a good love story and the whole happily every after thing, but I believe too many times that the "story" gets in the way of the truth. I got a PSA for everyone out there...hold on...y'all ready?...THE WHOLE LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT THING IS BS!! Yeah I said it...so all of the hopeless romantics out there you can be mad at me later. The truth of the matter is that most of the time love at first site is just LUST at first site. Now I'm not discrediting how powerful that lust can be, but I am saying that lust is definitely not love. I know many of you have friends who met some dude or girl, went on a few dates with them, had sex with them, then one month later they were head over heels in love. I also know that you were looking at that friend shaking your head because you knew it wasn't real....the only problem is that if/when you were in that same situation you would think it was something "different" or "special" about your situation. I got news for you though...IT'S NOT! So I can hear you asking...Troy what's your point?? My point is this...you can't expect to truly know someone or fall in love with someone if you haven't invested enough time into figuring out who they really are and how they will best fit into your life. The only way to get close to finding out if you are falling in love with the actual person vs. the idea of the person is to invest time into that person. It's only by observing how people respond in different situations and seeing what they consistently DO that we can truly get a picture of them. Just because initially a person has the "qualities" that you admire that dosen't necessarily mean that you will be successful in a relationship with them.
Hold on let me say that last part again..(clears throat)...Just because a person has the "qualities" that you admire that does not necessarily mean that you will be able to have a successful relationship with them! What I am saying is that just because a person is smart, funny, and cute that dosen't mean that he or she handles stress well, that he/she communicates well, or that he/she is willing to put you above everything and make you the #1 priority in their life. The bottom line is that some people are great people, but that dosen't mean that they are great to sustain a long lasting relationship with. That brings me to another issue...this whole idea of SOUL MATES! It is my belief that although a soul mate is a noun and something that people tend to think is just "found," I believe that determining if someone is a soul mate is an ACTIVE PROCESS and should be verb. The point is that you can't say that you were "meant to be" with somebody if you haven't actually been with them. Finding out if you are meant to be with someone is something that you have to determine reactively and not proactively! Did y'all follow me there?? What I am trying to say is that you determine if someone is a soul mate not by their qualities, but by how they resemble you in attitude and beliefs and how you match with that person in temperament. That is the literal definition of a soul mate....if you don't believe me LOOK IT UP!
Okay now let's fast forward...so you invest the time...you determine that you are soul mates... and you begin to engage in a comitted relationship...now 72 days later you want out! Okay what's wrong with that picture? I'll tell you whats wrong with it...what's wrong with it is that it has become okay to have no STAYING POWER. Look, I'm not saying that people should stay in bad situations or with someone who treats them badly, but what I am saying is that if you truly believe that you have comitted to your soul mate then it's okay to not run and want to leave everytime there is a disagreement. No one ever made any progress without disagreeing at some point in time, but no where in the relationship manual is it written that disagreements are grounds for break up and divorce! Him not picking up his clothes off of the floor and you not cooking are not reasons for divorce...but see if you invested the time those are things that you would have known you were signing up for!
Im not married yet so please don't think that I am trying to write as an expert on marriage because I am not. I consider myself an expert on reality and the reality is that if people would just invest the time up front, understand that lust is not love, understand that good dosen't mean good for you, and have some staying power that relationship success rates might just increase. The reality is that relationships are the cornerstone of who we are as human beings and there is no reason that they should bring us more pain than joy or that they should take away more than they give. I don't know about y'all, but I am pretty sick and tired of all of the bitterness that stems from unsuccessful relationships and I believe it will only get better if we are willing to truly evaluate why we entering relationships, if we are choosing good mates, and why we are getting out! I mean seriously how many of yall have that one friend that you send to the voice mail b/c everytime they call you know its about some relationship drama...yeah I know you do, you dont have to tell me!
I hope this blog will serve not as just a good read, but that it will encourage people to begin to start taking their relationship choices a little more seriously. Ultimately successful relationships will make for bettter futures for our kids and will provide better examples and blueprints for what "good" and "healthy" relationships look like. The broken relationships are breaking our families, and the broken hearts are breaking our spirits, but if all of the above are healthy then our communities will be a better place!
Thanks for reading!!
In my "humble" opinion (I put humble in quotes b/c whenever you have a strong opinion you sometimes get labled as cocky or arrogant lol)...the issue isn't Kim Kardashian's divorce, the deeper issue is the lack of seriousness about relationships! For some reason celebrities have made it cool for people to jump into relationships and marriages after a very limited amount of time of knowing someone (ie: 3 months). I believe that one of the fundamental reasons for relationships not lasting is the fact that people are in love with the IDEA of a relationship, but haven't really given enough time to truly be IN LOVE with the relationship/person.
Now don't get me wrong I like to see a good love story and the whole happily every after thing, but I believe too many times that the "story" gets in the way of the truth. I got a PSA for everyone out there...hold on...y'all ready?...THE WHOLE LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT THING IS BS!! Yeah I said it...so all of the hopeless romantics out there you can be mad at me later. The truth of the matter is that most of the time love at first site is just LUST at first site. Now I'm not discrediting how powerful that lust can be, but I am saying that lust is definitely not love. I know many of you have friends who met some dude or girl, went on a few dates with them, had sex with them, then one month later they were head over heels in love. I also know that you were looking at that friend shaking your head because you knew it wasn't real....the only problem is that if/when you were in that same situation you would think it was something "different" or "special" about your situation. I got news for you though...IT'S NOT! So I can hear you asking...Troy what's your point?? My point is this...you can't expect to truly know someone or fall in love with someone if you haven't invested enough time into figuring out who they really are and how they will best fit into your life. The only way to get close to finding out if you are falling in love with the actual person vs. the idea of the person is to invest time into that person. It's only by observing how people respond in different situations and seeing what they consistently DO that we can truly get a picture of them. Just because initially a person has the "qualities" that you admire that dosen't necessarily mean that you will be successful in a relationship with them.
Hold on let me say that last part again..(clears throat)...Just because a person has the "qualities" that you admire that does not necessarily mean that you will be able to have a successful relationship with them! What I am saying is that just because a person is smart, funny, and cute that dosen't mean that he or she handles stress well, that he/she communicates well, or that he/she is willing to put you above everything and make you the #1 priority in their life. The bottom line is that some people are great people, but that dosen't mean that they are great to sustain a long lasting relationship with. That brings me to another issue...this whole idea of SOUL MATES! It is my belief that although a soul mate is a noun and something that people tend to think is just "found," I believe that determining if someone is a soul mate is an ACTIVE PROCESS and should be verb. The point is that you can't say that you were "meant to be" with somebody if you haven't actually been with them. Finding out if you are meant to be with someone is something that you have to determine reactively and not proactively! Did y'all follow me there?? What I am trying to say is that you determine if someone is a soul mate not by their qualities, but by how they resemble you in attitude and beliefs and how you match with that person in temperament. That is the literal definition of a soul mate....if you don't believe me LOOK IT UP!
Okay now let's fast forward...so you invest the time...you determine that you are soul mates... and you begin to engage in a comitted relationship...now 72 days later you want out! Okay what's wrong with that picture? I'll tell you whats wrong with it...what's wrong with it is that it has become okay to have no STAYING POWER. Look, I'm not saying that people should stay in bad situations or with someone who treats them badly, but what I am saying is that if you truly believe that you have comitted to your soul mate then it's okay to not run and want to leave everytime there is a disagreement. No one ever made any progress without disagreeing at some point in time, but no where in the relationship manual is it written that disagreements are grounds for break up and divorce! Him not picking up his clothes off of the floor and you not cooking are not reasons for divorce...but see if you invested the time those are things that you would have known you were signing up for!
Im not married yet so please don't think that I am trying to write as an expert on marriage because I am not. I consider myself an expert on reality and the reality is that if people would just invest the time up front, understand that lust is not love, understand that good dosen't mean good for you, and have some staying power that relationship success rates might just increase. The reality is that relationships are the cornerstone of who we are as human beings and there is no reason that they should bring us more pain than joy or that they should take away more than they give. I don't know about y'all, but I am pretty sick and tired of all of the bitterness that stems from unsuccessful relationships and I believe it will only get better if we are willing to truly evaluate why we entering relationships, if we are choosing good mates, and why we are getting out! I mean seriously how many of yall have that one friend that you send to the voice mail b/c everytime they call you know its about some relationship drama...yeah I know you do, you dont have to tell me!
I hope this blog will serve not as just a good read, but that it will encourage people to begin to start taking their relationship choices a little more seriously. Ultimately successful relationships will make for bettter futures for our kids and will provide better examples and blueprints for what "good" and "healthy" relationships look like. The broken relationships are breaking our families, and the broken hearts are breaking our spirits, but if all of the above are healthy then our communities will be a better place!
Thanks for reading!!
Monday, October 24, 2011
A WOMANS WORTH PART II
First things first (takes sip of beer)....It seems as if I got a lot of rolled eyes and sucked teeth from the ladies when they read part 1 of the blog, but I would very kindly like to say that I dont apologize for any of what I said. The way I see it is that sometimes somebody has to hold the mirror up to your face in order for you to finally look in it!
Now that that's said and done...lets move on to part II!!! So as I listened a little more to Alicia Keys song I knew part II would be motivated by the part that says "and a real man just can't deny...a womans worth!" Notice that Alicia said "real man," so ladies please understand that what I am about to write is from the perspective of a "real man," and not some of the little boys that you might call your "man."
Ladies the reason I get sooooo frustrated with you is because I think so highly of you'all. I have grown to know and understand that although men are the foundation, women are the bricks that hold the structure together. The fact of the matter is that men need women just as much, if not more then women need men. The value of a good woman is priceless and any real man knows that. The reason I get upset is that so many women have no clue what their worth is!!! Sometimes women are so consumed with reading books about how to get a man, and making all these rules, and trying to figure out the perfect formula that they don't realize that if they just started with knowing their own worth then the rest will follow!
I constantly hear women complain about it being no "good guys" or about how guys are so full of games...but on the flip side I hear many men who are ready and willing to pursue something real and comitted with a woman, but they want nothing more than substance beyond the physical....yup yup yup ladies NEWS FLASH...as shallow as yall think we are, the real men want SUBSTANCE BEYOND THE PHYSICAL. It seems that so much of the emphasis in the man and woman dynamic has been put on the PHYSICAL (sex) that we have forgotten about the "substance," The bottom line is that the physical will get you a date, but its the substance that will get you a comittment. Sex has become such a bargaining tool, but what Iam begging the ladies to understand is that sex will not keep a guy around. You must also understand that if a guy is into you "beyond the physical" then not having sex with him will also NOT drive him away. Put more effort up front into understanding if a guy is really into you more so than trying to figure out when you should or shouldn't sleep with him.
The other part of what I am saying is stop being afraid to let a guy know what you are looking for up front b/c you are fearful of driving him away. You must trust that if he is isn't ready to give you what you want he will let you know if not by his words he will by his actions. In fact the conversation he has with his boy will sound like this..."dogg she is a good girl, but Im just not ready for all that and she is going to take to much work!" Yeah I know it dosent sound like the most flattering conversation but nevertheless it is conversation about a woman that knew her worth! In fact this is usually the girl that that same guy thinks about a few years later and realizes that he missed out on a good one. What you can't continue to do is this...meet a guy...not tell him your expectations up front...become intimate with him....then turn around and try to make his expectations line up with yours! This is a recipe for failure and frustration. Understand this... if a man is at a point in his life where he is looking for something serious out of a quality women then he will put in the work that is needed to get her b/c the work will be WORTH the reward!! Suddenly the conversation with his boy will sound like this..."dogg Ive been dating this girl, she is 28 years old, a teacher, she is real cute, and I just like kicking it with her...we haven't even done nothing yet (been intimate) but its cool...its just something about her!" Ladies if you dont believe me then ask one of your guy friends and get back at me!!!
Remember the focus of this blog is A WOMANS WORTH...and I am here to tell you ladies that real men understand your worth and they don't deny it. We understand that without our mothers we wouldn't have gotten to where we are, and without a good woman by our side we will never truly get to where we could be! You are more than the mothers of our children, you are supporters of our dreams, the ones who see in us what we don't see in ourselves, and the ones who heal all the wounds after we fight with the world everyday. There is a reason why when we have done something wrong and you are threatening to leave us one of the first things we say is "dont leave baby, I NEED you!" Yeah any real man who was about to lose a good woman has said those words. Its a reason why at our most vulnerable moments we tell you we NEED you and very simply it's because it is TRUE!
Knowing your worth is not just knowing when to move forward, but it's also knowing when to let go. Yeah I know it sounds so much easier than it really is, but when you know your worth then it gets a little easier. Look I get it...when women love they love really hard, but loving hard is no excuse for allowing yourself to be loved the wrong way. See ladies those "real men" that Ive been referring to understand that you deserve to be loved the right way. Now by no means does that mean that real men don't make mistakes because we do...but we don't make multiple mistakes that reflect not knowing your worth. Real men understand that you are WORTH being dated (if you dont know what real dating is refer to my blog entitled What Happened To Dating),WORTH being put first, you are WORTH being respected, you are WORTH being protected, you are WORTH being provided for, and you are WORTH being committed to. When it's all said and done if the guy you are pursuing, dating, or in a relationship with does not fill like it's worth doing these things for you then it dosen't mean that he is wrong or a bad person, it just means that maybe he is just not good for you. If you are not being treated the way you deserve to be treated then do me and you a favor and let it go!
Ladies if you don't get anything else out of this blog I would ask you to remember this...no one determines your worth more than you do. Women you are powerful beyond measure and you are probably the strongest species on this earth. You are the most beautiful creatures god ever created and without you we would simply be lost. More times than not you are everything to everybody and I want you to know that if no one else appreciates you I do. With all of the things you already do I am just asking you to add one more thing to your to do list and.............KNOW YOUR WORTH!! I already know a womans worth...the million dollar question is DO YOU???
THANKS FOR READING...if you like then like the blog on facebook and follow me on twitter @xklusive5!!
Now that that's said and done...lets move on to part II!!! So as I listened a little more to Alicia Keys song I knew part II would be motivated by the part that says "and a real man just can't deny...a womans worth!" Notice that Alicia said "real man," so ladies please understand that what I am about to write is from the perspective of a "real man," and not some of the little boys that you might call your "man."
Ladies the reason I get sooooo frustrated with you is because I think so highly of you'all. I have grown to know and understand that although men are the foundation, women are the bricks that hold the structure together. The fact of the matter is that men need women just as much, if not more then women need men. The value of a good woman is priceless and any real man knows that. The reason I get upset is that so many women have no clue what their worth is!!! Sometimes women are so consumed with reading books about how to get a man, and making all these rules, and trying to figure out the perfect formula that they don't realize that if they just started with knowing their own worth then the rest will follow!
I constantly hear women complain about it being no "good guys" or about how guys are so full of games...but on the flip side I hear many men who are ready and willing to pursue something real and comitted with a woman, but they want nothing more than substance beyond the physical....yup yup yup ladies NEWS FLASH...as shallow as yall think we are, the real men want SUBSTANCE BEYOND THE PHYSICAL. It seems that so much of the emphasis in the man and woman dynamic has been put on the PHYSICAL (sex) that we have forgotten about the "substance," The bottom line is that the physical will get you a date, but its the substance that will get you a comittment. Sex has become such a bargaining tool, but what Iam begging the ladies to understand is that sex will not keep a guy around. You must also understand that if a guy is into you "beyond the physical" then not having sex with him will also NOT drive him away. Put more effort up front into understanding if a guy is really into you more so than trying to figure out when you should or shouldn't sleep with him.
The other part of what I am saying is stop being afraid to let a guy know what you are looking for up front b/c you are fearful of driving him away. You must trust that if he is isn't ready to give you what you want he will let you know if not by his words he will by his actions. In fact the conversation he has with his boy will sound like this..."dogg she is a good girl, but Im just not ready for all that and she is going to take to much work!" Yeah I know it dosent sound like the most flattering conversation but nevertheless it is conversation about a woman that knew her worth! In fact this is usually the girl that that same guy thinks about a few years later and realizes that he missed out on a good one. What you can't continue to do is this...meet a guy...not tell him your expectations up front...become intimate with him....then turn around and try to make his expectations line up with yours! This is a recipe for failure and frustration. Understand this... if a man is at a point in his life where he is looking for something serious out of a quality women then he will put in the work that is needed to get her b/c the work will be WORTH the reward!! Suddenly the conversation with his boy will sound like this..."dogg Ive been dating this girl, she is 28 years old, a teacher, she is real cute, and I just like kicking it with her...we haven't even done nothing yet (been intimate) but its cool...its just something about her!" Ladies if you dont believe me then ask one of your guy friends and get back at me!!!
Remember the focus of this blog is A WOMANS WORTH...and I am here to tell you ladies that real men understand your worth and they don't deny it. We understand that without our mothers we wouldn't have gotten to where we are, and without a good woman by our side we will never truly get to where we could be! You are more than the mothers of our children, you are supporters of our dreams, the ones who see in us what we don't see in ourselves, and the ones who heal all the wounds after we fight with the world everyday. There is a reason why when we have done something wrong and you are threatening to leave us one of the first things we say is "dont leave baby, I NEED you!" Yeah any real man who was about to lose a good woman has said those words. Its a reason why at our most vulnerable moments we tell you we NEED you and very simply it's because it is TRUE!
Knowing your worth is not just knowing when to move forward, but it's also knowing when to let go. Yeah I know it sounds so much easier than it really is, but when you know your worth then it gets a little easier. Look I get it...when women love they love really hard, but loving hard is no excuse for allowing yourself to be loved the wrong way. See ladies those "real men" that Ive been referring to understand that you deserve to be loved the right way. Now by no means does that mean that real men don't make mistakes because we do...but we don't make multiple mistakes that reflect not knowing your worth. Real men understand that you are WORTH being dated (if you dont know what real dating is refer to my blog entitled What Happened To Dating),WORTH being put first, you are WORTH being respected, you are WORTH being protected, you are WORTH being provided for, and you are WORTH being committed to. When it's all said and done if the guy you are pursuing, dating, or in a relationship with does not fill like it's worth doing these things for you then it dosen't mean that he is wrong or a bad person, it just means that maybe he is just not good for you. If you are not being treated the way you deserve to be treated then do me and you a favor and let it go!
Ladies if you don't get anything else out of this blog I would ask you to remember this...no one determines your worth more than you do. Women you are powerful beyond measure and you are probably the strongest species on this earth. You are the most beautiful creatures god ever created and without you we would simply be lost. More times than not you are everything to everybody and I want you to know that if no one else appreciates you I do. With all of the things you already do I am just asking you to add one more thing to your to do list and.............KNOW YOUR WORTH!! I already know a womans worth...the million dollar question is DO YOU???
THANKS FOR READING...if you like then like the blog on facebook and follow me on twitter @xklusive5!!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A WOMAN'S WORTH PART I !!!
So Im sittin here listening to this Alicia Keys " A Woman's Worth" and im intrigued by the line that says "Cause a real man knows a real woman when he see's her!" Hold up, hold up, hold up...whoa derrr (Big Sean voice). So Alicia what you are telling me is that men know what they really want from a woman huh...#GO FIGURE!!!
OK OK OK here we go....this blog is dedicated to all the women out here who still believe that its a good idea to get advice about MEN from their GIRLFRIENDS! If you want to know what we really think let me just give you a little sneak peak into whats on the minds of a lot of guys..!
The first woman I want to address is one that I like to call MISS STANDARDS...OR LACK THERE OF!! So the fellas all know who this woman is, but the point of this is to help the chicks that dont even realize that they fit into this category. So this is the chick who tries to come off as such a "lady" but ends up still giving up the "goods" in a very short period of time. Its the chick that acts like she is priced like a Bentley, but she ends up costing no more than a Kia. This is the queen of the infamous line "I dont usually do this but...!" Ladies I got your but...and your but is that "I thought you had potential BUT you gave it up to fast and now your value has bottomed out! I hear all the ladies now talking about how unfair that statement is...talking about well guys do that all the time. My answer to that is SO WHAT..we know it aint fair, but that dosent change the fact that it IS! So you have two options...follow the rules of the game (make me get to know you and decide if I really like you before you sleep with me) or give it up to fast and immediately get thrown out of the wifey category. The BOTTOM LINE is that a man will give you the respect that you command (by your image) and demand (by your actions). Ladies I PROMISE that if a guy is really that into you he will wait to have sex with you b/c he is attracted to you beyond the PHYSICAL, but if your only bargaining tool is your vagina then then he is NOT THAT INTO YOU!! No man wants to carry a woman on his arm that he feels like any other dude can get at and smash in a short period of time. I know we may act as if we are that confident, but I promise us regular guys know that we aint so XKLUSIVE that you really "dont normally do this but...!"
The second woman I want to address is the one I like to call the "360 Degree Chick!" Yeahhhhhh we all know one or two women like this. This is the chick who cant see past her EX BOYFRIEND! This is the girl who will absolutely find a way to sabotage any good guy that comes in her life because she cant come to grips with the fact that her EX is an EX for a reason. Look ladies the last thing any dude wants to do is have to compete with another dude, especially when its one that treated you like shit, never appreciated you, constantly disrespected you...and the list goes on. Look Im sorry ladies, but we dont see this as you just being "deeply in love," we see this as you being STUPID! This is exactly why when you dont give us (the good guy) a chance b/c you caught up in the jerk (your ex) that when you come back to us (the good guy) that we be #OVER YOU! One thing you can't do to a good guy is keep pushing him away b/c you cant get your ish together and then try to come back when you "ready." In the words of my boy Buck....CHICK YOU #DEAD!" First of all our pride aint gonna let us be second best, and secondly you missed your chance b/c the reality is that for every 10 of YOU there is 1 of US! Yeah i said it! The bottom line is that the numbers just aren't in your favor and if you keep pushing away the good guy who is into you for all the right reasons just b/c you holding on to the past then you are #LOSING!!
The third woman I want to address is the one who finds a sucker who signs up for wifing up THE NAGGER! This is the where you at, who you wit, where you been, check your phone, facebook and twitter stalking ass chick. This is the chick who might say something like "you always spending more time with your homeboys then with me (even though you with her for 6 days a week and with your boys for 1 day a week). PSA ladies your nagging your man will not, and I repeat WILL NOT stop him from doing what he was gonna do anyway. Most women nag to make themselves feel better, but you nagging does nothing but make you more upset. If you still believe that nagging is a way of showing you care then guess what...YOUR WRONG! Im not saying just let everything go and accept disrespect from your man....but what I am saying is that if your man is treating you the way you should be treated then do him and you a favor and LEAVE HIM ALONE! You trying to keep him from hanging with his boys or having any life outside of you puts more strain on the realtionship then it helps anything! And for you ladies who dont even have a title yet, but still being the nagger, yall nagging your way out of any potential to being wifed up.
The fourth woman I want to address is MISS I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T!! Yeah Webbie and Boosie got the game all messed up for the ladies. I know the first thing the ladies are thinking is that men are just intmidated by independent women. Ummmm WRONG...lame and insecure dudes are intimidated by independent women so first off refer to one of my previous blogs (BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SIGN UP FOR). I believe that confident men love a good independent woman who we know if something happened to us she could hold it down with no problem. The problem is that to many women have gotten to the point where they use this independence thing as a way to try and neuter grown men and that will get you NO WHERE!! Okay ladies we get it...yall make your own money, drive your own cars, and have your own careers...you know what we say to that...BIG EFFIN DEAL!! The bottom line is that every man wants and needs to feel needed by their woman and if you believe the way to get a man is to make him feel like you don't need him then please just go be with you and your lil dog that you try to substitute as a man. Deep inside we both know that men need women just as much as women need men and the quicker we all admit that then the happier we will be. Ladies stop making your independence a liability and start making it an asset!!
Okay its getting late and even though I have a lot more to say I gotta get to bed. I know yall think that the title of this blog "A Woman's Worth" does not go with this blog at all, but all I can say is just stay tuned for # PART II.............................!!! THANKS FOR READING!!
OK OK OK here we go....this blog is dedicated to all the women out here who still believe that its a good idea to get advice about MEN from their GIRLFRIENDS! If you want to know what we really think let me just give you a little sneak peak into whats on the minds of a lot of guys..!
The first woman I want to address is one that I like to call MISS STANDARDS...OR LACK THERE OF!! So the fellas all know who this woman is, but the point of this is to help the chicks that dont even realize that they fit into this category. So this is the chick who tries to come off as such a "lady" but ends up still giving up the "goods" in a very short period of time. Its the chick that acts like she is priced like a Bentley, but she ends up costing no more than a Kia. This is the queen of the infamous line "I dont usually do this but...!" Ladies I got your but...and your but is that "I thought you had potential BUT you gave it up to fast and now your value has bottomed out! I hear all the ladies now talking about how unfair that statement is...talking about well guys do that all the time. My answer to that is SO WHAT..we know it aint fair, but that dosent change the fact that it IS! So you have two options...follow the rules of the game (make me get to know you and decide if I really like you before you sleep with me) or give it up to fast and immediately get thrown out of the wifey category. The BOTTOM LINE is that a man will give you the respect that you command (by your image) and demand (by your actions). Ladies I PROMISE that if a guy is really that into you he will wait to have sex with you b/c he is attracted to you beyond the PHYSICAL, but if your only bargaining tool is your vagina then then he is NOT THAT INTO YOU!! No man wants to carry a woman on his arm that he feels like any other dude can get at and smash in a short period of time. I know we may act as if we are that confident, but I promise us regular guys know that we aint so XKLUSIVE that you really "dont normally do this but...!"
The second woman I want to address is the one I like to call the "360 Degree Chick!" Yeahhhhhh we all know one or two women like this. This is the chick who cant see past her EX BOYFRIEND! This is the girl who will absolutely find a way to sabotage any good guy that comes in her life because she cant come to grips with the fact that her EX is an EX for a reason. Look ladies the last thing any dude wants to do is have to compete with another dude, especially when its one that treated you like shit, never appreciated you, constantly disrespected you...and the list goes on. Look Im sorry ladies, but we dont see this as you just being "deeply in love," we see this as you being STUPID! This is exactly why when you dont give us (the good guy) a chance b/c you caught up in the jerk (your ex) that when you come back to us (the good guy) that we be #OVER YOU! One thing you can't do to a good guy is keep pushing him away b/c you cant get your ish together and then try to come back when you "ready." In the words of my boy Buck....CHICK YOU #DEAD!" First of all our pride aint gonna let us be second best, and secondly you missed your chance b/c the reality is that for every 10 of YOU there is 1 of US! Yeah i said it! The bottom line is that the numbers just aren't in your favor and if you keep pushing away the good guy who is into you for all the right reasons just b/c you holding on to the past then you are #LOSING!!
The third woman I want to address is the one who finds a sucker who signs up for wifing up THE NAGGER! This is the where you at, who you wit, where you been, check your phone, facebook and twitter stalking ass chick. This is the chick who might say something like "you always spending more time with your homeboys then with me (even though you with her for 6 days a week and with your boys for 1 day a week). PSA ladies your nagging your man will not, and I repeat WILL NOT stop him from doing what he was gonna do anyway. Most women nag to make themselves feel better, but you nagging does nothing but make you more upset. If you still believe that nagging is a way of showing you care then guess what...YOUR WRONG! Im not saying just let everything go and accept disrespect from your man....but what I am saying is that if your man is treating you the way you should be treated then do him and you a favor and LEAVE HIM ALONE! You trying to keep him from hanging with his boys or having any life outside of you puts more strain on the realtionship then it helps anything! And for you ladies who dont even have a title yet, but still being the nagger, yall nagging your way out of any potential to being wifed up.
The fourth woman I want to address is MISS I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T!! Yeah Webbie and Boosie got the game all messed up for the ladies. I know the first thing the ladies are thinking is that men are just intmidated by independent women. Ummmm WRONG...lame and insecure dudes are intimidated by independent women so first off refer to one of my previous blogs (BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SIGN UP FOR). I believe that confident men love a good independent woman who we know if something happened to us she could hold it down with no problem. The problem is that to many women have gotten to the point where they use this independence thing as a way to try and neuter grown men and that will get you NO WHERE!! Okay ladies we get it...yall make your own money, drive your own cars, and have your own careers...you know what we say to that...BIG EFFIN DEAL!! The bottom line is that every man wants and needs to feel needed by their woman and if you believe the way to get a man is to make him feel like you don't need him then please just go be with you and your lil dog that you try to substitute as a man. Deep inside we both know that men need women just as much as women need men and the quicker we all admit that then the happier we will be. Ladies stop making your independence a liability and start making it an asset!!
Okay its getting late and even though I have a lot more to say I gotta get to bed. I know yall think that the title of this blog "A Woman's Worth" does not go with this blog at all, but all I can say is just stay tuned for # PART II.............................!!! THANKS FOR READING!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)